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Why You Should Revisit Your Journal Archives
Four years ago I picked up a journal for the first time in my adult life and I began to write.
I often refer back to this moment, but it’s been a long time since I actually went back to read it for myself, word for word.
The last time I did was straight up traumatizing — there was a lot of suffering in them there pages and I was still pretty deep in it — much too close to not be re-triggered re-reading my words.
Going back there was harrowing, and I said at the time: It’s not for the faint hearted.
But then I got curious again.
And I’m in a different place now.
When I first began journaling, I distinctly remember the feelings of frustration, being lost, and far, far away from where I wanted to be.
I remember the feeling of despair when facing up to a realisation that my life wasn’t panning out as I had planned.
It was devastating.
I was in a freefall, and as a last ditch attempt to avoid a crash and burn type scenario, I turned to journaling.
Looking back on it, reading my words, I can see that I was lost. I had been pursuing a dream sold to me by my esteemed elders, by my education, by the whole of society.
The correct path to follow:
education >> job >> mortgage >> family >> retirement.
Somewhere on the way, thanks to a pesky yoga and meditation practice, getting on the path of self enquiry began to trigger some real demons and, once disturbed, they weren’t going to go back in the box.
These demons were no sleeping dogs.
Sidenote: Is that not exactly what a mid life crisis is all about?
I think so.
At some point in life, I believe, these demons — these what-if’s playing on my mind — were always going to wake. They were going to get louder and louder…
