Who runs the world?

Beyonce says Girls — but it’s most likely sociopaths.

Alex Turner

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If I can’t afford something anymore, I cancel it.

I’ve lost my favourite magazine subscriptions, gym subscriptions, wine subscriptions, and even coffee subscriptions (jokes, of course I haven’t cancelled coffee. I’m not a maniac).

It’s the first rule of Personal Finance. Don’t spend more than you make.

Yet I’m sitting here, freezing my breasticles off, wondering how I’m going to pay my energy bills this winter, literally having a mental breakdown every 5 minutes wondering how anyone making any less than my comfortable salary is going to pay their bills this winter, watching the Tories do everything they can to make it worse, and now we have the Queen’s funeral to pay for too.

Some estimates put this at £6 billion.

£6 BILLION.

RIP the Queen, but when she lies in state for the next four days in Westminster Hall, the coffin will be topped with the Imperial State Crown, orb and sceptre — the crown itself has an estimated worth somewhere between £3 billion and £5 billion.

Um.

As 9 million people face fuel poverty this winter, these numbers are making me nauseous.

I’m finding it really hard to see the justifications for this degree of pomp and ceremony.

Can we afford the monarchy.

Royal Accounts released in June 2022 show the monarchy cost the taxpayer £102.4 million during 2021–22 — an increase of 17% from the previous financial year.

Now we’re preparing for a grandiose funeral. In these times.

If these were my financial affairs, I know what I’d be looking to jettison. And — big hint — it would not be coffee.

Many argue that the monarchy bring in tourism dollahs — but I sincerely hope that we can look back and remember 2022 as the year we stopped perpetuating symbols of racism and colonialism and cherishing them as tourist attractions.

And there are those who fondly look upon the monarchy as a vitally important pillar of stability and tradition. But… If the tradition was to shoot ourselves in the foot, or…

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Alex Turner

Founder, feminist, entrepreneur, coffee + self care