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R.H. Sin — ‘Some women fear the fire. Some women simply become it.’

If I had just one message for women the world over, it would be, plain and simply, you are powerful.

Your power is infinite. Limitless. Unquestionable.

This power is what connects us all, and it is already inside of you. Everything you need, you already have.

I want women the world over to understand this. To harness it. To know how very capable they are. That they can have whatever they desire. That their dreams and desires are valid.

Its not like I grew up explicitly being told I couldn’t have what I wanted.

Quite the contrary.

I was told I could do, have, be, whatever I damn wanted.

The main issue is that whatever answer I gave got questioned. Doubted. Marked down.

Over time, it was only natural that I started to doubt myself. I started to question my own decision making too.

In fairness, over those years, it was probably good guidance that I was being given. It was probably all justified. It probably kept me safe.

But I began to become subconsciously dependent on other people for that guidance. For validation. For that feedback.

Somewhere along the path of life, I needed other people to tell me what I could or couldn’t do. That isn’t safety. That’s straight up codependency.

Because of course, at precisely the same time, so that I didn’t actually notice that that was happening, I grew up and into a strong, bright, highly educated, woman. I think they’re called Overachievers.

And like many, many others, I was also full to the brim with self doubt.

In case you’ve not encountered this before, it’s a recipe for full blown anxiety, paralysing indecision, overwhelm and annual Christmas burn outs. And that’s just a good year.

I exaggerate a bit. It’s my defence mechanism.

But the problem is real — society doesn’t want strong, bright, highly educated, ambitious women parading around, changing things, impacting the world.

Society is a machine.

It needs women to keep in line. Follow the path, no deviations.

Make the tea, answer the phone, organise the people and call the taxis when Mike the Manager gets wasted on the office night out and needs someone Responsible to fix the mess.

Responsible. Oh yes, thats my box.

Be a responsible girl and do XYZ. We need you to take responsibility for this project. Take responsibility for that.

And I lapped it up . I was bred for it.

Society breeds women, trains women, to take responsibility for others. To be carers.

Disagree?

Try and be a woman who isn’t a natural-born carer and just measure that judgment.

It’s real. It’s tangible. It’s bitter.

Women are trained and educated to care for every single person except the one person they do actually owe it to — themselves.

So this is my message to the world. For anyone that needs to hear it — and not just women, honestly. For anyone.

It’s time to take radical personal responsibility.

Personal responsibility for YOUR life. For your circumstances. And for what you want. For your dreams, desires, likes, needs, and interests.

It’s actually OK to put that centre stage. It’s what we were always meant to.

But they plant the seeds of self doubt in us so thick so as to cover this essential truth.

And when you try and challenge it — to put yourself first — I mean, sure, your immediate environment is absolutely going to implode. The people around you are going to resist that shit like a wind farm is going up in their back yard.

They will fight you, criticise you, undermine you, question you, doubt you, make you doubt yourself. They will make that known.

The only mistake is to fall for it. To believe them.

At the end of the day, you only have one life. And while all the people around you are off living theirs, enjoying a decent bit of fun, joy, success, it is ok for you to claim yours — not chase after them, permitting them theirs.

It’s much more than OK.

You must.

You must take radical personal responsibility for what you want in this life, for what you need — because it is no one else’s responsibility to do it for you. No one will rescue you. It’s no one else’s job to do it for you. Just as it’s not your job to do it for anyone else.

So do me, and yourself, a favour — stop doing it for anyone + everyone else, and start doing it for you.

Yours faithfully,

A recovering codependent + a believer in you.

Founder, feminist, entrepreneur, coffee + self care

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